When i first came to accept the masochism within me...the needs that are mine...my research online began as well. As a new submissive online one encounters many different opinions and ideas on BDSM. i read everything i could find and respectfully joined in the conversation in one of the beginner's rooms. There is much to be learned with a quiet approach and a open mind. i found a support group built in to the community there, made up of its regulars.

i quickly came to realize that there is no 'right and wrong' way to be Dominant/Master/Mistress/Sadist or submissive/charge/slave/masochist.... though many i talked to believed theirs was the only 'one true way.' i believed what was 'right' was what the consenting adult couple agreed to between them, i found few (if any i'd really gotten to know) would be 'right' for me.

i'm an intelligent, strong woman with opinions all my own, secure in myself...i am an old soul. Watching and learning, always respecting each individual's right to be who they are, but somehow feeling there must be something more. In real time and online my desires simply didn't seem to fit in. Yet, due to my relative inexperience, i couldn't quite figure out what it was that i'd yet to find.

The BDSM life/love/playstyle is growing... progressing. As the States slowly release some of their sexual tensions, and as the communication around the world improves, we are seeing BDSM evolve to include the ways of today's sometimes misguided masses. It offers numerous different approaches, rules and protocols. The one term 'submissive' seeming to have a thousand different meanings. Everything from the 24/7 real time slave or charge, the possesion, the humiliation slut, the pony girl or boy/animalism, the meek sub afraid to speak from low self-esteem, the slut available to all, the 'brat' or 'smart assed masochist', the masochist bathed deep in the roots of tradition, to the 'Switch' which feels both tendancies at different times or situations.

i knew that i couldn't realistically give up my right to choose what happened to my body, but also knew that were i to find the One that i could Honor and trust enough to let close to me...there would be little i would want to deny Him.

But, back to the point....

I was patient during this lonely, confusing and at times frightening period. i took this time to work on improving myself, for i knew that if my desires did exists, if there was a Man that could shed light on what was 'missing'... i would need to be prepared to offer a gift worthy of Him. I had almost given up on finding a place for me in today's community when the sun began to shine...two people came into my life and brought me to peace.

They took me under their wings and showed me a way of Honor, Integrity and Discipline i had only dreamed of. A more sensual traditional approach to this lifestyle we call BDSM and D/s. Something that far transcends that of many. An approach of mutual respect and love, each having their own role in fulfilling the other. i have been blessed with those i love and can only hope to in turn be a blessing to them.

For those who are 'finding themselves' now, my only advice is to tread lightly... Begin with oneself, learn what it is that is truely in your heart. Once you know what it is that you desire, consider well with whom you choose to share it with. Take time to work on yourself....become the best you can be and keep improving on that. For then you will be a more worthy gift to the One you will love. Learn as much as you can about safety issues and live by the precautions. Open your heart and accept those around you, but know yourself and what is right for you.

There is a big difference between molding yourself to fit another's desires (a trait i've noted among many a new sub), and finding someone for whom your submissive tendancies can compliment.

Walk with Honor and know that destiny does have a way of making one face the reality of who you are.

Anonymous Contribution