I am going to share with you folks a story not many have heard. It is the story of a Dominant who was once very screwed up. This Dominant was me.

I started using drugs when I was 13. Every drug you can name. During High School I used speed and LSD daily. No. That isn't a typo. Daily. In college I graduated to coke. Coke remained my drug of choice for 11 years. At my peak I was using 1 1/2 - 2 grams a day.

I told you guys I learned about BDSM from Pierre. Well, one of the reasons I did not follow the path Pierre offered was it would have meant being clean. I wasn't willing to do this. So, I went off with the knowledge I had and entered the DC scene. And I gotta tell ya. I was a dangerous person ,in my mind now looking back on it.

I was always able to function 100% when completely wired. From a career standpoint I did very well. I was spending 200/day for coke and meeting all of my personal expenses with my salary. From a play standpoint......every encounter was a new high. But...... *I* was never in control. I went from one to another to another to another. Always looking for that next rush. I was a user of people as well as a user of coke. It wasn't pretty folks.

Then a funny thing happened. I met a woman who very quietly asked me questions about my use. About my Dominance. About my need for conquest. We were together alot. I found I was feeling what I thought could be love. But hell......what did *I* know.

I got up one morning. Blew a buncha coke and read the paper. I started thinking. I thought about how I was living my life. I thought about how decisions I had made had had a large hand in 2 people being dead. I thought about *her*. I wondered if this was love. It was then I realized I didn't know if what I was thinking and feeling was *me* or the coke. I had to find out.

I went to the phone and called her. I asked her to come to my house. She arrived and I told her I needed her for 5 days together starting right them. We both called our employers at home and arranged to have the time off work. I went to the stash box and flushed every thing. The next 4 days were hell. But I got clean and have been. Today I can have a drink of wine with a meal and it is ok. I cannot get close to coke or I know I will use.

This woman and I were together for 7-8 years. The relationship dissolved. And I am eternally grateful to her for asking the questions and being there. Someone has it in their profile, *If you are experiencing life with a substance then you are experiencing the substance, not life* Truer words were never said.

It wasn't long after I got clean that my mind began doing really strange things. I knew it wasn't the want of the drug. I was committed to being clean. But the ups and downs continued. All of those years of using coke I had been self medicating myself. With drug therapy things got better. That is not to say that everyday is a bundle of joy. But....today life is good and I am clean. I own my honor and integrity. I am the best person I know how to be.

Maybe this story will help someone look at their life and the choices they are making. Maybe this story will prompt someone to ask the questions I was asked. Maybe this story will help to make our community a bit safer.