Forms of Address

by CadetLuke1

Introduction

What should a Top call a bottom? What should a bottom call a Top? This is a subject not often addressed  in seminars or articles. Everyone seems content with the standards: Master, Daddy, Sir, boy, slave, dog, etc.

But there are other words that can be used in a scene or relationship that can enhance what the people within it experience.

The type of words used between a Top and bottom should be consistent with the scene or relationship between them, and there are a lot of different types of scenes and relationships. The following is a short exploration of different types of addresses catalogued according to the type of scene or relationship. Some of them overlap or are otherwise applicable to more than one category.

General Terms

Probably the most popular terms of address are "Sir", "Master", "boy", and "slave". There are other general terms, such as "dog", that enjoy a certain popularity. By and large, though, the only terms that truly belong under the General category are "Sir" and "boy"."Sir" is a general term of respect. It can be used in place of a royal title, a military rank, or other application.

It can, however, be used to a bottom; see _Archaic and Obsolete Words and Phrases_. The female version of this is "Madam" or "Ma'am"."Boy" or "girl" is simply a generic word to call any bottom of the appropriate gender (for gender switching, these words can fall under the _Verbal Abuse_ category). They denote an inferiority on the part of the addressee in relation to the person using the word (throughout this piece, the words "inferior" and "superior" are used in their military sense of "person with less rank" and "person with more rank", respectively).

A special note here about personal pronouns. The English language is unique among the Germanic tongues in that there is only one word for the second person singular: "you". In all other Germanic languages, there are two versions, which are comparable to the Elizabethan "thou" and "you" (or "thee" and "ye"). These can be used to great effect in a dominance/submission context, as "thee" and "thou" are only used to an equal or an inferior, while "you" is used to a superior (it is also the second person plural, but that has little bearing here).

As an example, a slave might call his Master "you" while the Master calls the slave "thee". Either might call his lover "thee" or "you" depending on what was being conveyed. A slave would never call his Master "thee", as that would imply, at the least, equality between them. By the way, the possessive of "thee" or "thou" is "thine" or "thy"; use "thy" before words beginning with a consonant and "thine" before words beginning with a vowel or an "H" (for example, "thy Master", "thine apple", or "thine herb").It should be noted here that many Masters and slaves prefer the third person neuter as the personal pronoun for a slave: "it". While this can be fun, it can also lead to confusion, as when a slave has misplaced something and tells the Master, "it has lost it, Sir." See what I mean?

If there are any other words that fall under the _General_ category, I have not yet come across them.

Domestic Terms

These are probably the most popular types of titles used. They range from the familial "Dad" and "son" to the ownership "Master" and "slave". They contain family relationships, including Mom, Uncle/Aunt, big brother/sister, etc., as well as those denoting servitude, either voluntary or involuntary, and even professional status (i.e., employer and employee). This is probably also the largest grouping of terms used in scenes and relationships. In the case of a "Boss" and "employee" or "grunt", care should be taken not to confuse real life with one's professional status. On occasion I have referred to my employer as my boss in public, only to have certain fetishists think I was talking about my Master.

Military Ranks

The military and paramilitary services are among the most popular fantasy and relationship types in the Leather/SM/Fetish Community. Usually, the bottom in these scenes is assumed to be of low rank, a recruit or low-ranking enlisted person, such as a private, while the Top can be anywhere from a sergeant on up. Note that the generic "soldier" or "sailor" is used for any enlisted rank from one of higher rank, but is most commonly used for those of lower rank (such as recruits, privates, and corporals in the Army and Marines; or recruits, seaman apprentices, and seamen in the Navy and Coast Guard; the usage in the Air Force is "airman").

I know one couple whose military lifestyle is reflected by the bottom's advances and reductions in rank according to his behavior. The Top in question is a Major; the bottom ranges from private to sergeant, with an occasional lapse all the way to recruit. In that last case, he is also referred to as "boy" or one of the standard DI insults, such as "maggot".One caution about military ranks: if you plan to use Nazi terminology, make sure that the bottom in question has no objection to being subjected to that type of scene. Nazis seem to be the most reviled, yet the most highly eroticized uniform fetish yet.

Even larger than full military as a fantasy is the paramilitary; i.e., the cops. Having never played in a cop scene, I don't really know how they work, but I am under the impression that in most of these scenes, one person, usually the Top, is the cop and the other is a felon of some sort. This type of scene is usually a one-time thing and involves police brutality, either in jail or in the interrogation chamber. A similar full military application of this is the prisoner of war interrogation. A police scene can range from payment for a traffic ticket (in "trade", of course) to a prisoner revolt.

Related to this last is the prison scene, in which a guard or warden takes "undue" advantage of a prisoner or in which one or more prisoners revolt.Here is a comparative list of ranks within the U.S. military services. Coast Guard ranks are the same as the Navy.

Grade USAF US Army USMC USN

O-10 General General General Admiral

O-9 Lieutenant General Lieutenant General Lieutenant General Vice Admiral

O-8 Major General Major General Major General Rear Admiral

O-7 Brigadier General Brigadier General Brigadier General Commodore

O-6 Colonel Colonel Colonel Captain

O-5 Lieutenant Colonel Lieutenant Colonel Lieutenant Colonel Commander

O-4 Major Major Major Lt. Commander

O-3 Captain Captain Captain Lieutenant

O-2 First Lieutenant First Lieutenant First Lieutenant Lt. Junior Grade

O-1 Second Lieutenant Second Lieutenant Second Lieutenant Ensign

W-4 Chief Warrant Officer (CWO) CWO CWO Master CWO

W-3 CWO CWO CWO Senior CWO

W-2 CWO CWO CWO CWO

W-1 Warrant Officer Warrant Officer Warrant Officer Warrant Officer

E-9 Chief Master Sergeant Sergeant Major Sergeant Major; Master CPO

Master Gunnery Sergeant

E-8 Senior Master Sergeant First Sergeant First Sergeant Senior CPO

Master Sergeant Master Sergeant

E-7 Master Sergeant Sergeant First Class Gunnery Sergeant Chief Petty Officer

E-6 Technical Sergeant Staff Sergeant Staff Sergeant PO First Class

E-5 Staff Sergeant Sergeant Sergeant PO Second Class

E-4 Sergeant Corporal; Specialist Corporal PO Third Class

E-3 Airman First Class Private First Class Lance Corporal Seaman

E-2 Airman Private Second Class Private First Class Seaman Apprentice

E-1 Airman Basic Private Private Seaman Recruit

For the British Royal military services, I only have the list of officers, but not how they compare to U.S. titles.

Royal Navy Army Royal Air Force Royal Marines

Admiral of the Fleet Field Marshal Marshall of the RAF -none-

Admiral General Air Chief Marshall -none-

Vice Admiral Lieutenant General Air Marshal Lieutenant General

Rear Admiral Major General Air Vice Marshal Major General

Commodore Brigadier Air Commodore Brigadier

Captain Colonel Group Captain Colonel

Commander Lieutenant Colonel Wing Commander Lieutenant Colonel

Lieutenant Commander Major Squadron Leader Major

Lieutenant Captain Flight Lieutenant Captain

Sub-Lieutenant Lieutenant Flying Officer Lieutenant

Acting Sub-Lieutenant Second Lieutenant Pilot Officer Second Lieutenant

For those with a Nazi fetish, here is a comparative list of SS ranks compared with U.S. ranks.

SS U.S.

Oberstgruppenführer General

Obergruppenführer Lieutenant General

Gruppenführer Major General

Brigadeführer Brigadier General

Oberführer between Brigadier General and Colonel

Standartenführer Lieutenant Colonel

Obersturmbannführer Major

Sturmbannführer Captain

Hauptsturmführer First Lieutenant

Obersturmführer Second Lieutenant

Untersturmführer Master Sergeant

Sturmscharführer Technical Sergeant

Hauptscharführer Staff Sergeant

Oberscharführer Sergeant

Scharführer Corporal

Unterscharführer Private First Class

Rottenführer Private

Sturmann -none-

SS-Mann -none-

Finally, here is a list of police rankings for the United Kingdom, London Metropolitan Police, the New York

Police Department, and the New York State Department of Corrections.

U.K. Police Metropolitan Police NYPD NYSDC

Chief Constable Metropolitan Commissioner Commissioner -none-

Deputy Chief Constable Deputy Commissoner Chief Warden

Assistant Chief Constable Assistant Commissioner Deputy Chief Deputy Warden

-none- Deputy Assistant Commissioner -none- -none-

Chief Superintendent Chief Superintendent Inspector -none-

Superintendent Superintendent Deputy Inspector -none-

Chief Inspector Chief Inspector Captain -none-

Inspector Inspector Lieutenant -none-

Sergeant Sergeant Sergeant Captain

Constable Constable Patrolman (Officer) Corrections Officer

Religious Titles

Most of these are not used in relationships, although they can be. However, for most people, a religious type scene is limited to a Roman Catholic confessional or possibly a return to parochial school, although there are those who prefer other religions and rankings. The religious titles can run the gamut from Pope down to priest/minister for the Top, and novice, disciple, monk/nun, etc., for the bottom.

Occasionally, you will hear of a Top who wants to be God or Satan, or of a bottom who wants a god or devil Top. Personally, all I can say is that a Top who wants me to think of him as God had better be prepared to prove he can walk on water.

One of the more fun groupings of this type can be the convent, monastery, or abbey. This is a case of a single Top with a lot of bottoms under his or her religious rule. Despite the popular misconception, the main difference between a convent and a monastery is the type of rule involved, not gender. Women do live in monasteries and men in convents; the difference is that in a monastery, the monks and nuns live under a strict monastic rule, such as Benedictine, while in a convent, they live under a more lenient version. An abbey is similar to both, but is presided over by an abbot or abbess. All are sexually segregated.

The Spanish Inquisition can also be used for this type of scene, with the bottom as an heretic and the Top as an Inquisitor, who may or may not have a religious title. Just don't get too carried away by the _auto da fé_, though.

Here's a short list of religious ranks.

Roman Catholic Anglican Catholic (Episcopal

Pope Archbishop of Canterbury

Cardinal -none-

Archbishop Archbishop

Bishop Bishop

Monsignor -none-

Priest Priest

Deacon Deacon

Acolyte Acolyte

Laity Laity

For monasteries and convents, the following ranks are appropriate and rank below Archbishop.

Monks Nuns

Abbot Abbess

Claustral (Father) Superior (Not found in an abbey) Claustral (Mother) Superior (Not found in an abbey)

Priest -none-

Monk Nun

Laity Laity

Note that in a monastery or convent, there may be individual ranking among the monks or nuns, usually involving the particular job they do within the cloister.

Titles of Rank or Royalty

Not very commonly used in the United States, the titles used to denote peerage or royalty can be expressed to a Top in a relationship or single scene. These range from "Sir [name]" or "Lady [name]" to "Your Majesty" or "Sire". Note that a king, queen, emperor, or empress is always referred to as "Your Majesty", "Majesty", or "Sire [kings only]", or "Your Imperial Majesty" for emperors and empresses. A prince or princess is "Your Highness" or "Highness". Probably the most common title used to a Top in this type of role-play is "My Lord", "My Lady", "Milord", "Milady", "Lord", or "Lady" with no name attached.

The bottom is usually a villein (as opposed to a villain) or serf and addressed accordingly (i.e., without any title at all and possibly not by name). Rarely, however, the bottom will be a person of lesser rank, such as squire to a knight, for example.

Note that the examples above refer only to European royalty; I do not know enough about Native American,

Asian, or African terms to comment on them (for example, what is the difference between Sheik, Sultan, and Shah?).

The order of precedency among the British royalty is as follows: The Sovereign (of either gender); the Consort, Consort Dowager, and Prince(ss) of Wales; Younger Sons of the Sovereign; Grandsons of the Sovereign; Brothers of the Sovereign; Uncles of the Sovereign; The Sovereign's Nephews (according to the seniority of their parents);

The Archbishop of Canterbury; The Lord High Chancellor or Lord Keeper; The Archbishop of York; The Prime Minister; The Lord Chancellor of Ireland; The Lord High Treasurer; The Lord President of the Privy Council; The Speaker of the House of Commons; The Lord Privy Seal; The Lord Great Chamberlain; The Lord High Constable, The Earl Marshal, The Lord High Admiral, The Lord Steward of His Majesty's Household, and The Lord Chamberlain of His Majesty's Household (in this order and above peers of their own degree); The Master of Horse; Dukes, according to their Patents of Creation; Eldest sons of Dukes of the Royal Blood; Marquesses, according to their Patents of Creation; Dukes' eldest sons; Earls, according to their Patents of Creation; Marquesses' eldest sons; Dukes' younger sons; Viscounts, according to their Patents of Creation; Earls' eldest sons; Marquesses' younger sons; Bishops of London, Durham, and Winchester; All other English bishops, according to their seniority of consecration; Secretaries of State and Chief Secretary to Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland, if of the degree of a Baron; Barons, according to their Patents of Creation; Lords of Appeal in Ordinary; Commissioner of the Great Seal; Treasurer of His Majesty's Household; Comptroller of His Majesty's Household; Vice-Chamberlain of His Majesty's Household; Secretaries of State and Chief Secretary to Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland under the degree of Barons;Viscounts' eldest sons; Earls' younger sons; Barons' eldest sons; Knights of the Most Noble Order of the Garter; Knights of St. Patrick; Privy Councillors; Chancellor of the Exchequer; Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster; Lord Chief Justice of England; Master of the Rolls; The Lords Justices of the Court of Appeal, and President of the Probate, Divorce, and Admiralty Divisions, according to their seniority and order of appointment; Judges of the High Court of Justice rank among themselves according to date of appointment; Viscounts' younger sons; Barons' younger sons; Sons of Lords of Appeal in Ordinary (Life Peers), according to their seniority of creation; Baronets of England, Scotland, and Ireland; Knights Grand Cross of the Bath; Knights Grand Commanders of the Star of India; Knights of the Grand Cross of St. Michael and St. George; Knights Grand Commanders of the Order of the Indian Empire; Knights Grand Cross of the Royal Victorian Order; Knights Grand Cross of the Order of the British Empire; Knights Commanders of the Bath; Knights Commanders of the Star of India; Knights Commanders of the Order of St. Michael and St. George; Knights Commanders of the Order of the Indian Empire; Knights Commanders of the Royal Victorian Order; Knights Commanders of the Order of the British Empire; Knights Bachelors; Judges of County Courts in England and Wales, and of City of London Court; Serjeants-at-Law; Masters in Lunacy; Companions of the Bath; Companions of the Star of India; Companions of St. Michael and St. George; Companions of the Indian Empire; Commanders of the Royal Victorian Order; Commanders of the Order of the British Empire; Companions of the Distinguished Service Order; Members of the Fourth Class of the Royal Victorian Order; Officers of the Order of the British Empire; Companions of the Imperial Service Order; Eldest sons of the younger sons of Peers; Baronets' eldest sons; Eldest sons of the Knights of the Garter; Eldest Sons of Knights Bachelors; Members of the Fifth Class of the Royal Victorian Order; Members of the Order of the British Empire; Baronets' younger sons; Younger sons of Knights; Esquires; and Gentlemen.

Complicated, isn't it? And that's leaving out the female portion of the aristocracy, which generally ranks one

rank lower than their male counterparts (sorry, women, but I didn't make this up). Remember, the Britons have had more than 1,000 years to come up with this system, so it's bound to be a tad complicated. Obviously, I don't have room for any other systems of royalty, but with a little research, you can find out what they are.

Constructions

These are words and phrases invented or borrowed by the Top and bottom for their own personal use in a scene or relationship. They may be based on a book or movie, or simply come out of the imagination of one or the other. I have no handy examples to give on this one, but it should be noted that the terminology should be consistently used.

Those using them should be aware that sometimes their invented phrases may cause more embarrassment than most other types of words; for example, the phrase "Lord High Potentate" will appear ridiculous to those who are aware that the final word is synonymous with the various words meaning

"Monarch".

This is probably the least common variation on this theme, yet potentially the most fun. Sources for this type of role-play can come from as wide a variety as role-playing games (such as "Dungeons and Dragons" or "Empire of the Petal Throne"), films, books, newspapers, even innocuous phrases that were misheard or misused. If you are of an imaginative bent and are interested in trying something unique, you might consider playing with your ideas.

Foreign Words and Phrases

My only comment to this aspect is be sure you know what you are saying. For example, the Irish "boyo" is considered to be mildly insulting and is not a proper term for a Top (but see below under _Role Games_). The Arabic "Sirdar" is a term of respect, but is not really equivalent to the English "Sir".

There are probably thousands of words in languages other than English that can be used; the only problem is tracking them down. As an example, the only reason I know the word "boyo" is because of my Irish heritage; I grew up being called that on occasion.A special aspect of this is what I call Orientalisms; that is, words and phrases that are constructed to sound like something you would read in the _Arabian Nights_: "Moon of my desire" or "Oh, my Master and the delight of my eyes" or that type of thing. Anything in English can be constructed to sound like a translation from another language, but be careful that you don't make yourselves (or those around you) ill. Some of these things can get pretty icky-sweet.

Archaic and Obsolete Words and Phrases

Similar to the foreign words and phrases are the archaic and obsolete words and phrases. For example, "sirrah" is obsolete English and is used to someone of a lower class than yourself. "Sir" used to a bottom is in a similar class; it is used sarcastically in a phrase such as "sir boy" to accent the inferiority of the addressee (I have to point out that on a trip to New York several years ago, a bottom referred to me as "Boy Sir", explaining that it reflected not only the fact that I was then a bottom, but had been one for fifteen years; in other words, he was acknowledging my bottom status while respecting my seniority).These words can be found in the works of Shakespeare, among others. Use your resources to find them; there are a great many.

Animals

The most popular of these is obviously "dog", especially used to a bottom. In point of fact, when both Top and bottom are playing the role of animals, they tend not to speak, but rather growl and make other noises appropriate to the animals they are playing. This can be a fun role-playing experience, but is limited to one-time or occasional scenes rather than relationships.

In a relationship, the Top is nearly always human, while the bottom is the animal, usually a dog as noted above. In such a case, the Top will address the bottom as he or she would the animal the bottom is portraying, such as "Spot" or "Rover" for a dog (In an interesting type of this scene that has little to do with the subject at hand, I know of two Tops who have trained their bottoms as pit bulls; the bottoms put on shows for their Masters by staging dog fights with the winner then topping the loser, who is also punished by his Master).

There are two other animals that are popular in the scene: the pig and the horse. "Pig" used to be a derogatory term for a bottom, but nowadays it's a term of respect for a bottom who can take a lot...by the Top's standards, of course. And we all know how individual standards change. However, in some scenes, the pig bottom is someone playing the role of a pig (It's interesting to note that my friend piggy is currently being trained as a dog).

The horse is mostly popular among the Western/Cowboy set, but has a certain following among more mainstream LeatherFolk. The horse is uniquely satisfying in a branding scene, although various types of cattle are also branded. But in all scenes involving horses, they are also ridden, usually with tack, but sometimes without. Make sure the bottom has a strong back and shoulders before riding him, however.Unless the bottom truly needs or wishes to live as an animal, I would suggest that the Top always keep in mind the true humanity of the bottom and remind him or her of it on occasion. But animal scenes can be fun, whether you're playing Roy and Trigger, Timmy and Lassie, or even Farmer Ziffel and Arnold.

Verbal Abuse

These terms can be used in any type of scene or relationship. They are simply terms used to humiliate the bottom, and include four-letter words, racial and sexual slurs, insults regarding physical defects (whether real or imagined), and so on. The one thing they all have in common is that they assume that the Top is somehow superior to the bottom.

Care must be taken in using terms falling under this category. Some people feel that using them at all will hurt the bottom's self-esteem, but I feel that they won't as long as the Top is careful to make his love and affection known to the bottom at all times.

In any case, the Top should always make sure that the bottom is agreeable to the verbal abuse he's going to be subjected to. Referring to an Irish-American as a "mick" or an African-American as a "nigger" can cause problems, both with the individual's self-esteem and with the relationship.

On the other hand, when the abuse is consensual, this type of abuse can be fun for all involved. For example, I have bottomed to several African-Americans who referred to me as "honky" or "cracker"; I have Topped one African-American who liked being called "nigger". I have also been "nigger" to white Tops in the past, and once I was with an African-American who called me "nigger's nigger". Because all parties involved agreed to these scenes, they were a lot of fun.Take a chance and have fun with this one.

Taking On The Role Of A Real Or Fictitious Person

Some people get off by playing as historical or fictional persons, such as Torquemada and an heretic, or as Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham. If you want to do a scene as Ivan the Terrible and one of his serfs, there is nothing to stop you, but please don't make it your lifestyle, as your own sense of self can become confused.

Taking on the role of someone you have read about, or seen in the movies or on television can be fun, but you need to have a handle not only on that person's identity, but your own. Accuracy in the portrayal is not terribly important, but maintaining your own individual self-ness is. Just be careful.

Playing Games With Your Roles

I was recently at a play party in which one bottom was reviling his Top, saying things like, "Is that the best you can do? Why don't you let a _real_ man take over?" and that type of thing. Some of those present were offended by the bottom's apparent lack of respect, but I (and several others) found the scene very exciting.Some Tops get off on being verbally (and sometimes physically) abused by their bottoms. In fact, some Tops enjoy having to fight for the position of Top. I myself have been known to call a Top "sissy" or "faggot" or whatever to inspire him to the levels of physical abuse I was seeking. This is not something I would do without discussing the matter first, however, only partially to find out what types of names _not_ to call him (other epithets are up to me). A bottom who pulls this type of abuse without clearing it with the Top is building a bad reputation as a bottom. Tops talk almost as much as bottoms do, remember.Be aware that in public play, many people will be offended by this type of behavior. Most Tops viewing such a scene and not knowing the parameters of it will assume that this is a "bad" bottom. Most bottoms witnessing such a scene without the knowledge of its nature will react in a way that says, "I would _never_ do that to a Top!" Either way, the bottom in question will face having the reputation of an abusive or controlling slave, even if the scene is explained to the on-lookers. Have fun with it, but take care.

Other types of playing with roles involve such concepts as switching, slave revolts, and other scenes in which the roles of the Top and the bottom become blurred to the outsider. They make a nice change of pace, but I doubt a relationship based on these concepts can work, although they can spice one up that has become a bit dull.

Name Changes

Some Masters require their slaves to give up their birth names and take on a name (or number) of the Master's choice. If a name, the new name usually includes a portion of the Master's name. For example, Kirk Morgan's late Master, Allen Chambers, incorporated the Celtic version of his first name in Kirk's middle name, Alyn. In a few cases, the slave has even been required to legally change the name...or has chosen to do so after obtaining the Master's permission.

Frankly, I have a problem with this. I changed my name a long time ago, with my Master's permission, but

the name I chose was not my Master's choice. I picked a name that combined my nickname, Luke, with my mother's maiden name, Owens, and a traditional family name from the Welsh quarter of my family, Dafydd, making my name Lucas Dafydd Owens (the middle name is pronounced "DAV-uth", by the way; the "a" and "u" are short, and the "th" is soft, as in "the").My point is that I have a problem with anything that forces the bottom in a relationship to give up his identity in favor of an identity imposed on him. In my case, the name change chosen by me enhanced my sense of individuality; if my Master had chosen my new name, he would have imposed what he wanted me to be on me.

He didn't want to do this, as all he wanted me to be was the best slave I could be for him.If a slave asks his Master to create a new name for him, that is another thing entirely. The slave's choice in this case is to give up what he is in favor of what his Master wants, whereas the opposite case is the Master imposing something new from outside the slave. The former is supportable, the latter is not unless the slave has consented to it.

In the case of a slave taking on his Master's last name as his own, I have no problem, even if it's a unilateral decision on the Master's part. Taking on the last name of one's lover (no matter what the type) is a valid method of publicly stating that one is in a relationship. When I'm in a relationship, I always want to state it publicly. I think many people do.

Conclusion

There are a lot more ideas than I have presented here. If anything I've said in this article interests you, give it a try. They can all be fun and they can certainly spice up a relationship that has become too predictable.

Enjoy it or ignore it; the choice is yours. Just remember, these are guidelines only; they are not rules. Furthermore, they are mostly my own opinion; others may have their own thoughts on the matter. The main point is to have fun, no matter what it is you want to do within your relationship.